I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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