It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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