thus making me awesome and them whores
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
