I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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