i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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