do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
