Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
