why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
