HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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