I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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