My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
