I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
