I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
