What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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