Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
