after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
