I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
