how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
