you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So squirting runs in the family.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
