Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
