Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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