i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
