i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize