i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
