you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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