You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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