Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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