Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
