I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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