Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
