WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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