wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
