I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
