After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
