so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Still dying that you shit outside
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize