i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
His nipple licking is glorious
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