I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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