I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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