bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
