Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
