Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
