I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
