I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize