As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
