I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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