It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
