saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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