If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's blow job season.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
