I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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