Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This is classic penis vs brain.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
