Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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