The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
