I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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