Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
