mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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