yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
